solitude | biondetta's Blog

I was alone with the baby, 4 yr old in the Kindergarten, Mama-in-Law called round and she drove us to the nearby beach, the baby was fed and content already, we went into the hotel cafe for a coffee, I said I would like to walk along the beach, Mama-in-law said" ok. go ahead love, I would prefer to stay here with the baby and watch the world go by, I'll 'phone you if need be".  So off I went, I walked along the deserted beach, nearly no wind either, so the sea was so tranquil, just a few sea gulls around, after a while I took my mind out of gear and just wandered slowly along the edge of the sea, suddenly I realized I was absolutely by myself for the first time in months, it was a strange feeling and all sorts of pictures flashed through my mind in a rush of emotion, I felt myself crying softly, but I was sad and happy at the same time, just me in my body.  Things came into focus and then disappeared again, moments of happiness, sadness, anticipation and fear.  Then I became calm and tranquil, just like the slowly lapping sea, I shivered and walked quickly back to the hotel.  Mama-in-law seemed to understand, she smiled at me and handed the sleeping child to me, I hugged the warm bundle of humanity and pressed my cheek agains hers, she stirred and opened her eyes, gurgled at me and went back to sleep. "you ok. Mama-in-law" asked, yes I said, my inner peace making my smile.  "you look so radiant" I was told. A lovely warm feeling.  I am still amazed at how lucky I am.